Yes, many of my posts are gone. Erased. I hate the concept of erasing the past or truth. I still regret nothing I post. I regret nothing I’ve done or will do. The fact of the matter is, my posts have not been to the world. My posts have been to him. My posts have been my heart aching and, like a submissive, calling my Master home. My best friend. My lover. My love. My closed door post- an attempt to scare him into not letting me linger- to make him catch me as he promised. Whatever is going on in his life is his struggle since he is not allowing me to assist and be a true partner.
But the plain fact is- 20 minutes from now- 20 days- 20 years…..A part of me will long for him. I do hope that part lessens with time, but none the less- always, he is in my heart. I just said 10 names of men- throwing his name in randomly. With each time my lip formed his name, they equally formed a smile. If a man can hurt you and still make you smile, you have to leave that door cracked. My posts will alter to more work related and literary rambles- with the few random laughs and rants- but as for him- My thoughts consumed are not in my words- but within my silence. Book Buzzr let me know he hears my cries. The longer he goes, the harder trust and no bad days will be to concrete- but some doors just won’t close.