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“I can’t stand getting lost at home. I should know where I am. But, in new places it never bothered me. It was always alright to get lost in new places. If you don’t freak out, you’ll find yourself eventually.”

“Enlightening word choices. You said find yourself, not find your way or find what you’re looking for.”

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This was an interesting portion of a conversation I had with a personal Yoda I call Dorothy.  Actually, it is a bit more than interesting. This conversation has been chipping away at my mind since the moment the words were spoken. I usually choose my words carefully but with her, I run with my thoughts and sometimes, I blurt.  When you take the time to choose your words, you have a certain control. You get to rest knowing you wrapped your mind around what other people might think about your feelings, emotions, fears, and hopes.

When you stop thinking and speak, sure, sometimes you might regret saying things you wish you hadn’t. But even worse than what other people may think of your words, is when you allow them to flow and you have to step back and decide how you feel about the words you didn’t censor or evaluate their depth before spoken.

I’ve been mildly frigid on social media lately. Not hiding. Not emotional. Not sad. Simply, scattered. I’ve been writing a decent amount. I’ve had another short story released in a 7DS Books Collaboration. A nice scary story. A haunting tale of a girl and her encounters with The Lady on Fire. There are many great authors on this book- to the point I smile each time I see my name with them on the cover. Look at those names. Yep, I’m smiling.

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I am working on a few novels at once. I thought it would be near impossible to focus on more than one premise at a time. It isn’t. I’m able to toss ideas around for one while rolling in the words on another. It seems this process allows my plots and characters to evolve without the stress of not writing while the story mentally stews. I dig that. Hopefully I will have several releases soon. That’s the plan, and everything seems to be following the right path in the right time. I usually plan everything out in fine detail. I like knowing time frames and every little detail before I even dive in. It is how I’ve always worked. Like home base. But it seems every aspect I apply that same tried and true logic lately, it is tried but not so much true. It seems to have caused more chaos and I have felt very lost in the ways I set my own roots.  This is trying something new. This is taking a deep breath and rolling with the flow of how things unfold, slower, with less details plotted, and with me not time-framing every single thing.

It turns out, it actually rather sucks for my sanity. It feels like I am staring at the ocean looking for a perfect shell. The funny thing about that- the treasures of the ocean always roll in with the waves. You just have to hold the patience to wait for the next wave to crash and then grab the shell before it’s pulled away.

I guess I do find myself better venturing in new places… Eventually.

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