Her head nestled inside the softness of her pillow. She stretched flat against her stomach. The sheets were cold against her barely covered skin. A giggle slipped through her lips as the goosebumps sent shivers across her spine.
He stood against the wall, amazed. His eyes floated from her head to her toes and back again. He had no words. Silence was a skill. She didn’t need his words. Words were pointless. No matter how many he combined and sputtered, it would not erase the lapse or loneliness. She could feel him in the room. She could feel the way he adored her. Words were nothing.
She rolled the curve of her back until the black lace covering her bottom arched into the air and she lifted onto her knees. She could hear him sigh. Another giggle escaped her lips.
“It doesn’t matter.” she turned to make him lock into her eyes.
“Oh.” he wanted to look away, but couldn’t.
“Yesterday is dead. Just like everyday before. You can never give those back.”
He stuttered for an apology. She silenced him. He forced his silence on her long enough, she deserved a silence she could enjoy.
“Some people call them reasons. Some call them excuses. You told me to trust you. To wait. I did. And I did.”
“Oh.” guilt rattled his voice.
“Time zipped by, way too fast for what we wanted and needed. We were so afraid to lose it, we forgot to savor it.” She pushed her knees and rested flatly against the bed again.
He whimpered, watching her round ass fall from the begging position.
“I could feel your pain. Your sorrow. Your guilt. I could feel the battle in your mind and your heart. No bad days, I told you. Not because of me. I never wanted that. But I could feel them. Day by day. Hour by hour. I was content in my misery because it tangled around yours.” she bit her lip “Is that horrible of me?”
“No.” he smiled.
“There it is. That smile. Why I couldn’t hate you. I tried. I prayed for it. I closed my eyes and tried to fester inside the pain you caused and right as I would collect it, there it was. That smile. Not many people understood it because they never saw it. That smile. I could live forever on the memory of that smile before I could pretend to feel alive with anyone else.”
He smiled harder and kicked his feet against the carpet. “I have missed you.”
“I know. I could feel it in my heart. I asked God to let you feel mine as well.”
“I could. I feel horrible.”
“You promised me forever.” her thighs rubbed together, fishnets coating them like webs.
“I know. I just-” she shushed him.
“I know.” she shook her head. Her eyes flamed with completion as she watched him, wondering if he were there or if she was stuck in another dream.
“Today?” he adjusted his tie.
“Today. Tomorrow. Forever. We never said when forever started and if I wanted you forever, why would I close the door all the way? Ever? You just had to turn the knob.”
“I don’t know how to get back to where we were. I don’t know where to go from here.”
“We never forget the past. It made us both stronger. But there is no going back. There is today, tomorrow and forever. We start it now and we slowly savor every moment.”
“I can do slowly.”
“Our last kiss.”
“Yeah?” his mind wondered back to the rushed missed flight.
“That was the kiss of someone that you knew you would kiss again.”
“It was only supposed to be a few weeks.”
“So kiss me.” she rolled onto her side showing the full lace covering her.
Shakingly, he crawled onto the bed. He felt at home but he was afraid she would slap him at any moment. She was baiting him. He felt for so long as if there were no turning back. Each time he picked up the phone to call, but hung up, not wanting to hurt her more. He had hoped she understood that, but he knew that was unfair to expect. He deserved to be slapped. He leaned his face by hers, eyes closed tightly, waiting for the sting of her hand he so deserved.
The warmth of her full lips met his tenderly. His knees shook more with the feel of lace against his hand. Her finger met his cheek, sweetly. She pulled him into a deeper kiss. A kiss she had been owed for months. Never before had a kiss existed with such urgency and slow savoring. She moaned against his tongue. His body wobbled. She had a way of doing that to him. He pulled away.
His forehead rested against hers. “God knows how much I have missed you, darling.”
“Show me.” she smiled her sinister grin and rolled back onto her stomach.
Her legs spread open against the sheets. She knew just how much space he needed. He loosened his tie and burrowed between her thighs. She could feel him through his pants as she arched her back. He grunted as the lace pushed against him.
“I think we were wrong.”
“We were?” he paused.
“You want to be dominated but you want to feel the power. Had I not been submissive and waited for you to control this, you would never have missed a moment.”
“Twenty-two years.” he reminded her of how long he had been submissive.
“I can tell you what to do. I can make you feel in control while doing it.”
“How so?” he freed himself from his clothing as she spoke.
“I love you truly. Properly. I can read you. I will never tell you to do a thing unless it is something I know you want.”
He chuckled. “I’d like to see how that works.”
“Yeah?” she purred.
“Yeah.” he stood on his knees between her legs.
“Fuck me.” she demanded as her ass arched high in the air.
He popped the strap of her garter belt and slid her panties.
“Unless you don’t wanna.” she teased and lowered her body slowly.
He grabbed her thighs and pulled her back up to mount. His body trembled as he pushed inside her. She had been waiting. So wet and tight, made just for him. Her purr rolled into a scream as he fully consumed her. He stroked slowly, savoring her.
“Come to me.” she ordered with enough of a whimper to pass for a beg.
Her body fell flat against the mattress. His body followed. His arms slid around her shoulders. She turned her head and waited for his lips. He kissed her slow and long followed by short hard kisses. He sniffed her hair as she moved her face toward the pillow. A scent he feared would become only a memory until the day he died.
“Savor me.” she insisted as she bit into the pillow.
He knew what she wanted and he was more than willing to give into the submissive demands. He pushed deep. Hard. He held inside her as deep as he would go. She pushed against the wall against him. She held her position just as long as he did. His knuckles turned white around her shoulders. She growled into her pillow.
She gasped for air and he released his thrust.
“Again.” she whimpered.
Again, their bodies pushed into each other, holding firm. She clinched around him like a pulse. He buried his face into her neck and bit down. He could cum. She drove him insane with every bit of her. Her mind. Her heart. Her dreams. And the magical things she could do with her body.
He waited for her to gasp for air before he let the tenseness of his body rest. She reached her arm around and ran her fingers through his hair. Still, she pulsed her clinching hold on him. He grunted, fighting to let go inside of her.
“I knew you missed me, too.” she smirked.
He nibbled her ear. His lips traveled down her neck with kisses onto her shoulders. He stopped and studied the tattoo she got when he vanished.
“The new tattoo-” he waited for her.
“You know what it means. We wrote the existence together.”
“It means I am dead to you?”
“It means I wanted you to be. To my heart.”
“Oh.” he gazed at the gear on her back. A back that was supposed to be covered in tattoos of his own art. “Were you like Zona getting the tattoo?”
“Are you bluntly asking me if I got off getting a tattoo that was supposed to shut the door on you forever?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“Sweetness, I told the artist what I wanted. He drew it up and made me think on it a week so I would not regret it. A week later I came back. I explained what tattoos did to me and asked for a closed door private session just in case. I knew the pain of you would likely ruin the enjoyment.”
“So it hurt pretty bad?”
“Only emotionally.” she laughed. “The poor tattoo artist. I told him all about the book and our writing and our visits. Gummy Bears. No crime in that. Promises. Everything. Like a bartender or therapist. I cried. Like a baby, I cried over you. Topless, exposed to this stranger. Me, straddling a tattoo chair. And I thought about the scene in the book. And I pictured us in that scene. And as I cried, my hips started to rock. And I tried to hate you, but that smile. I told him about your smile. I told him about the first kiss. The fountain. The rope. Lavender. I told him everything as I sobbed and as my hips rocked. He followed me around the room on his stool as I rode the chair the harder my hips rocked remembering every inch of you. I scratched marks through the paint in the walls. I bit holes in the leather chair. I grind the chair as if it were you and I cried because I feared my legs would never feel you in between them again.”
He said nothing. He traced the tattoo with his fingers, half sad for the story, but just as equally turned on.
“I begged him to not be done. I knew when he was, I was supposed to be done loving you and I wasn’t. The pain of hate did not exist. I made him dig and drag the needle into my flesh- harder and harder, I demanded. I screamed. I bit one hell of a hole in the chair to muffle my orgasm as the tears rolled down my cheeks and I cried your name.”
“I am so sorry.”
She laughed. “Feel sorry for him. He had no clue what to do with me. I don’t know if he was amazed that the urban legend of the tattoo orgasm existed or if he was scared that I threw so many emotions out at once. I am just impressed with the job he did while I got off. You know how I move.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, considering, this is amazing.”
“Yeah.” sadness rolled over her face.
“What is it?” he kissed the angel tattoo above the new one.
“If you stay. If you give me forever- you will see everyday, a reminder of me trying to not love you.”
“Looking at this gear everyday would remind me of how wonderful you are and how lucky I am you couldn’t stop loving me.”
She pulled his tie and slid her tongue inside his mouth. He kissed her as if they had invented the kiss. She pulled away and bit her lip and she studied his eyes.
“I never feel as alive as I do when I look into your eyes.” he smiled as he brushed his hand against her cheek.
“You should always be fully alive.”
“I’m scared I will screw up and hurt you again.”
“I’m scared you will waste all this on that chance.”
“What if I do hurt you again?”
“You can walk away forever. That will hurt much worse. Or you could love me knowing you are going to hurt me and I am going to hurt you- at some time at some point but we will be okay because you promised forever.”
“We said no bad days. We’ve both had months of them.”
“We had bad days apart. Not together.”
He rolled her over and scanned his eyes across her body. “I missed your eyes the most. Always your eyes.”
She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, memorizing the smile on his face.
“So what do we do now?”
“Until you fight for us all, make love to me now. Savor the memory.”
“I can’t do it alone.” he looked away.
“Nobody said you ever had to do this alone. We are all waiting for you to say you want us to help.” she pulled him on top of her body and wrapped his tie around her neck as well, placing his lips just above hers. “Make love to me until I wake up.”
He pushed himself inside her. His lips rubbed against hers without kissing. She moved with him, like Monday night poetry. She fought to memorize the lines on his face, her reflection in his eyes and the sound of his breath.
She could feel him fade. She held him tighter. Her legs wrapped around him until she could feel his flesh vaporize.
“I miss you, darling. I do.” she could barely see his eyes.
She tossed and turned until the emptiness woke her. The room, fully dark, left no signs of him.
“Dear God, let him love me freely or let me let him go.” she rolled over knowing she would lay awake and watch until the sun broke through the window shades. The echoes of every promise haunted her until she pushed herself out of bed to face another day without him.